Simple Divorce Papers

If you have not yet done so, it is time to take out your calendar and think about the time your children will get to spend with you and your ex spouse this summer. For most of the year school and work make it more practical for kids to spend the majority of their time with one parent and only see the other on weekends and the occasional week day evenings. But now that summer is coming around school lets out, work gives way to at least a few weeks vacation, and longer daylight hours mean there are more opportunities for the so-called “access” parent to spend significant extra time with the children. Here is some advice to help you figure out your summer access schedule.

People and circumstances change. Children get older, their interests change and so do their needs. As a result, an access schedule that worked in the past may not continue to be in the best interests of the children now. Therefore, it is a good idea to take a fresh look at your summer access schedule and not just accept it because it has worked in the past.

A word about deviating from court orders and agreements may be in order here. First, it is okay to change the terms by mutual consent without going back to court or signing something. However, if you feel more secure with something in writing a note, dated and signed, with the agreed upon changes should be fine. You should specify that the changes are by mutual agreement and that if one of the parents no longer agrees to the change then the original terms of the order or separation agreement come back into play.

The kids may have their own agenda which is different from Mom’s and Dad’s. It is important for the kids to spend extra time with their access parent and that should be encouraged by both parents. But it also very important that the kids be allowed to be kids. If everyone works together there should be time for Mom and for Dad and for camp, baseball, soccer, etc. Maybe it isn’t possible to fit everything in so try to prioritize and to overlap things where possible. For example, maybe it can be the access parent who gets the kids ready for camp, sees them off and welcomes them on their return.

Summer also presents opportunities for parents and children to participate together in various special events and activities such as summer holidays, family occasions, and special vacations. It is important for parents to work together to make it possible for the children to enjoy these events with the parent most closely associated to the event. If this is difficult to determine, perhaps one parent can take the kids this year and the other can take them next year. On the other hand, such events may make the relatively little time the children spend with the “access” parent even more meaningful. Some consideration should be given to making sure the children get to spend some of these special times with that parent.

The access parent who does get increased time with the children over the summer should plan to use that time to the best possible advantage. That means taking every chance to build, or in some cases rebuild, relationships with the children. The best way to do this is not just to make the kids the priority but to make it obvious to them that they have your attention. That might mean turning off the cell phone and waiting until bedtime to check your email. It might mean spending less time with other adults unless the children have already established a good relationship with them. Remember that the best activities are the ones that let you share time, words, thoughts, and dreams with your kids. This is fairly easy when children are young. Simply find ways to involve them in whatever you are doing and ways to involve yourself in their own play. For older kids it might mean watching them play a sport, followed by praise and/or consolation depending on how well they do. It should also mean allowing them to have input into what you do during access time. Leaving it entirely up to them might sound like a good idea but it usually is not. Giving them a choice of several attractive options, all of which you are prepared to live with, would be a safer way to go.

The most important thing to remember is that the children are best served by parents who are flexible and willing to cooperate with each other rather than those who are confrontational and rigid. Whether or not parents had separated they still need to negotiate with each other and make compromises when planning summer activities with the children. Close relationships can be maintained best when everyone’s needs and interests are respected.