Simple Divorce Papers

I am sure you have heard or read something about the benefits of trying to settle [tag-tec]divorce[/tag-tec] disputes with your spouse or ex-spouse through [tag-tec]mediation[/tag-tec]. After all, it does not take a rocket scientist to understand that almost anything is better than a knock down drag out court room battle. So, assuming you are favorably disposed to trying mediation here are some tips on how to get the most out of that process – and they all have to do with maintaining control.

1. Control your emotions. I didn’t say these are going to be easy but this is a big one. Even though mediation is almost always much cheaper than the alternative, it is still costly and you are usually paying by the hour or the session. Therefore, you have a choice: you can indulge your inclination to lash out at your ex-partner, become despondent over what should have been, react defensively to every perceived slight, or you can approach this in a more businesslike manner. The former approach is going to cost you money and accomplished nothing whereas the latter can set the stage for fruitful interest-based negotiations.

2. Control your [tag-tec]lawyer[/tag-tec]. Many lawyers know better than to try to involve themselves directly in mediation sessions. However, if yours wants to tag along you should think long and hard before letting him or her do so. Part of the benefits of mediation is to reestablish and or improve direct communication between you and your ex-partner. This is especially important when there will be an ongoing responsibility to communicate effectively in the interests of your children. It is exceedingly difficult for mediation to have such beneficial effects if lawyers continue to present a barrier to direct communication.

3. Control the outcome. Unlike a judge’s decision, which will be binding on both you and your ex-partner regardless of whether you think it is a good one, the only decision reached through mediation is one that both you and your ex-partner have agreed on. Therefore, assume control, take responsibility, realized that there will be no resolution unless you and your ex come to some agreement. So, work hard toward reaching agreement and, once you have done so, do not blame anyone else for any aspect of the agreement that you still may not particularly like. If you can’t live with some aspect of the agreement, don’t agree to it. But if you can live with that overall, defend us, even against your own lawyer.

This does not mean you should not listen to his or her sound legal opinion. It just means that you are the one who was blood sweat and tears have gone into making this agreement and, unless there is a very sound legal reason not to stick with it, it is probably the best resolution to the problem.

For further reading on this subject see:

1. Get Your Divorce Lawyer Out Of The Mediator’s Way!
2. Information on Divorce Mediation
3. Divorced Dad Minute Podcast: Mediation
4. Will Divorce Mediation Work for You?
5. Divorce Mediation in Maine

For a fast, low-cost, lawyer-free legal divorce visit DivorceOnline.ca