Simple Divorce Papers

Is a “civil divorce” an oxymoron?

But what if one spouse has been so hurt by the other that he or she is emotionally unable to corporate and feels an overwhelming need to battle it out with the other? Until these kinds of emotional issues are properly addressed no amount of reasoned negotiation will result in an acceptable settlement. The involvement of professionals who encourage and provide counseling is then a small price to pay if, as a result, the couple can avoid a knock down drag out courtroom fight.

Even when both spouses are acting reasonably, it is possible that they just see things differently and cannot agree on how to resolve one or more issues. There is even a possibility that their respective legal counsel disagree about how the law ought to be applied to their specific circumstances. In these kinds of cases the intervention of a judge may be quite appropriate. However, even here settlement conferences can be usefully employed as an alternative to courtroom battles.

In a settlement conference the atmosphere is much less formal and intimidating, not to mention adversarial, then in a full-blown trial. The lawyers typically described their respective cases to the judge who may ask them and their clients questions and even help the parties negotiate with each other. The great advantage is that the lawyers and the parties get the benefit of hearing how a judge views there arguments without actually having to bear the financial and emotional cost of a trial. Chances are good that another judge, hearing the same case in court, is likely to reach the same conclusions as the settlement conference judge and therefore the parties can save themselves a great deal of trouble by taking the advice of a settlement conference judge very seriously before continuing on the path that leads to a courtroom.

Does all this mean that a divorce, even an uncontested divorce, can be “civil”? Well, “civil” does not mean “friendly”. Obviously, if everything was just right between the spouses they wouldn’t be at the point where divorce was being contemplated let alone anticipated. So, probably the best that can be hoped for is that by employing collaborative means spouses can avoid fighting with each other, hurting each other both financially and emotionally, and can preserve enough of their relationship to make the most of the bad situation. Of course this is especially important when children are involved because, as parents, the spouses will continue to have some kind of relationship with each other at least until the children have grown up.

There is a continuum which stretches from one extreme where divorcing spouses are able to calmly and clearly cooperate with each other with minimal input from professionals to the other extreme where spouses are either unwilling or unable to cooperate with one another at all. Using professionals who are trained and motivated to help spouses avoid the financially and emotionally ruinous extreme may be worth every penny in the end.

Many people have profitably used a separation agreement kit such as the one available through our service to help them negotiate with each other. Ultimately though, before a separation agreement is signed, it is extremely wise for both spouses to receive independent legal advice from a lawyer.