Dating after divorce is a much debated topic due to the psychological and emotional impact it can have on people. Dating after divorce can be complex, too often divorcees don’t consider the ramifications of dating after divorce before they jump into it with both feet!
If you’re going to start dating again after you’ve gotten a divorce, there’s quite few things that you should consider beforehand…here’s a partial list you might want to think about:
Dating after divorce consideration 1: Make sure that you are aware of your own level of self-confidence.
If are considering dating after divorce, be certain that you are either confident in yourself as a person or are at least aware of your level of self-confidence so you can plan accordingly. Self-confidence will help you to remain lucid when you’re dating after divorce. Choosing who to date and why you want to date them can be a major turning point in your emotional health after a divorce. If you’re self-confident, chances are good that you’ll be able to handle being rejected or ignored if you’re just beginning a relationship.
If you’re truly self-confident, you’ll be able to have the right mind set before you begin dating after divorce and any potential let down will be foreseen by you and “non-damaging” to your emotional state. Self confidence is perhaps the most important thing to think about from an emotional health perspective regarding dating after divorce.
Dating after divorce consideration 2: How quickly should you date after getting a divorce?
Fortunately, this is really only a question that you can answer, assuming your divorce is truly over with and you don’t have a custody battle that’s ongoing, a dispute about assets or finances, or any other type of lingering agreement that needs to be reached that could be impaired by dating. If you have children, this is a question of their strength and the strength of your relationship with them.
If you don’t have children, this decision is entirely up to you regarding how you’ll approach dating after divorce. Ask yourself how ready you really are to date again…depending on what you want out of dating after divorce, i.e., what the end result is to any solid dating relationship, will drive how quickly you date again. If you’re simply lonely and think you need to date again just for the sake of dating or to test how you’ll respond to dating, you may want to do a serious self evaluation regarding your confidence level. You will know when you’re ready again to begin dating after divorce – everyone’s different. Know yourself first, then make the decision.
Dating after divorce consideration 3: Should I date while going through a divorce?
Most coaches, attorneys, and counselors will tell you that dating while going through a divorce is never a good thing to do from a psychological perspective and a legal perspective. While this article isn’t a form of legal advice, common sense tells you that if you’re in any type of battle regarding marital assets or custody, avoid any dating.
From an emotional health perspective, dating while going through a divorce can be damaging to you and your “soon to be” ex-spouse. You’ll be much more mature after the divorce if you self evaluate to figure out how you contributed to the events that lead to your divorce. Handling yourself in a caring and sturdy emotional manner during a divorce can be an extremely difficult thing to do…but, it is a terrific growing and learning process. Make use of it! Grow as a person and learn about yourself, and you’ll be far better off after the divorce is final.
Dating after divorce consideration 4: Consider that you may have a tendency to date someone completely opposite from your spouse and realize that this isn’t healthy.
Dating after divorce is tricky! Be smart, realize that the pain you may have felt at the hands of your spouse can naturally lead you to want to date someone who is an opposite of your ex. It is a reasonable and natural reaction because you might want to avoid having any pain whatsoever or you may not want to deal with anyone who might remind you of your ex-spouse.
If you find yourself looking for someone who is your ex’s opposite when dating after divorce, take a deep breath and ask yourself if this tactic is truly healthy for you. If you answer ‘yes’, then you’re saying that there was nothing good about your spouse and that you’re a poor decision maker or else you would have never gotten married to your ex in the first place!
Instead, think of the things you’d like to see in someone that would make you want to date them and look at the person in and of themselves only. If you see something in them that reminds you of your ex-spouse, decide whether that something is a good trait or an undesirable trait. Only then can you decide about that person in positive fashion. Your spouse has or had some good traits, define what they are and don’t be afraid to see those traits in someone that you are dating after divorce.
Dating after divorce consideration 5: Do what you need to in order to have a positive outlook on your future after your divorce.
When thinking about dating after divorce, and all the possible fires that can go with it, keep in mind that you need to feel good about yourself to be lucid. A positive outlook on life is key to everything else, and all the future decisions that you will make after your divorce. Go and do fun things with friends and get out! You should certainly keep your guard up but don’t be overly critical of everything or you may get so paralyzed be your analysis that you never actually “get in the game.” Your frame of mind on any relationship – friend or not – after divorce is key factor to your happiness. Keeping a clear head and heart is a healthy thing. If you keep these considerations in mind, you’ll have a much better time when dating after divorce.
Thinking about getting a divorce doesn’t necessarily mean that you should try to stop your divorce. Conversely, it could be wise to try to s top your divorce, only you know whether you should. Just because you’re thinking about getting a divorce, doesn’t necessarily mean that you should try to stop your divorce, although its logical to automatically assume so.
In order to be clear that you really want to stop your divorce if you’re thinking about getting a divorce, you should use any or all of the following steps to make that determination:
Should You Stop Your Divorce?, step 1: Examine why you’re thinking about getting a divorce and clearly define and outline those reasons.
This is a vital part of determining whether you really do want to stop your divorce. It is easy to naturally think you should get a divorce if feel empty, confused, alone, frustrated, etc. But do yourself a favor, figure out what actually has you feeling like you do and write it down. Only then will you be able to decide whether you should make a serious effort trying to stop your divorce.
Should You Stop Your Divorce?, step 2: Determine if guilt is seemingly forcing you to think about wanting to stop your divorce of if there’s something inside you that really wants to stop the divorce.
Guilt can play a factor when you’re thinking about getting a divorce, don’t let it be the determining factor for wanting to stop your divorce. If guilt is the major reason that you want to stop your divorce, sit down and re-think everything. Ask yourself if you’ll feel sorry for your spouse because you know how he or she will react to your decision to get a divorce. You will know if guilt is swaying you one way or another.
Should You Stop Your Divorce?, step 3: Use projection to foresee how how your spouse will react if you try to stop your divorce.
You know whether your spouse will be please or disgruntled if you try to stop your divorce. You have an idea of how he or she will react if you try to patch things up and avoid a divorce. If your spouse will react positively if you try to stop your divorce, you should be happy. You may have a chance to make it work. But, if your spouse will react harshly to efforts to stop your divorce, you should ask yourself why. Figure out what your spouses motivations would be for reacting negatively and determine whether or not its still worth trying to stop your divorce or if you should just develop a plan to part amicably.
Should You Stop Your Divorce?, step 4: Think about what your life would be like if you tried to stop your divorce and compare that scenario with what your currently going through.
Figure out what you want out of the situation and decide what you want your future to look like. If you feel that your life will worsen by trying to stop your divorce, maybe you should re-think what your planning. If you feel that you’d like to at least try to stop your divorce, even if its for selfish reasons, then take comfort in the fact that you’ve at least made the decision to act. Also, ask yourself whether or not the life you want is with your spouse, even if everything turned out exactly the way you planned for it and you were able to stop your divorce.
Ask yourself, “Even if I implement this plan and manage to stop my divorce, is this really the person I want to spend my life with?” The answer to this question will help you determine your course of action.
Should You Stop Your Divorce?, step 5: Implement your plan of action to either stop your divorce or plan to get a divorce.
Nothing will change if you don’t act. Now that you’ve decided to work it out or get a divorce, set a plan in motion with your true end goal in mind. If you want to get a divorce, do what you need to in order to get what you need out of the situation…be amicable. You do not want to look back later on and feel like you didn’t act in a mature fashion.
If you truly want to stop your divorce, use the right resources to determine the best course of action to do that. Divorce is serious, you should make certain for your sake and for your spouse’s sake that you did all you could to stop your divorce…and be happy about it!
An uncontested divorce is the most common type of divorce. An uncontested divorce is a divorce that occurs when there are no disagreements between spouses over divorce related issues like custody, finances, living arrangements, spousal support, child support, etc. An uncontested divorce can be an easy way for people to get divorced without the hassles of a legal struggle and undue wear and tear on emotions.
But, you may not be ready to seriously consider uncontested divorce if you’re just thinking about it.
Thinking about an uncontested divorce can mean a variety of things from a psychological perspective…it could mean that you are really on the brink of divorce.
It could also mean that you’re feeling frustrated and just want to end things as fast and quietly as possible. If this is the case, you may want to make sure that you aren’t just being lazy and you should examine your reasons for divorce first before you go any further.
“Does it mean I am really ready for divorce just because I am starting to think about an uncontested divorce?”
Maybe, maybe not.
Here’s a few things you might want to think about before going onto next steps with regards to an uncontested divorce, just to make sure that you’re really ready to go through with it.
Uncontested divorce situation 1: You’re thinking about an uncontested divorce because you want out but you aren’t sure if your spouse is ready to call it quits.
This can be tough if you aren’t careful. The main point of an uncontested divorce is to have both parties agree on things. If your spouse doesn’t even know that you’re thinking about getting a divorce, mentioning an uncontested divorce may result in an explosive discussion.
Uncontested divorce situation 2: You’ve both agreed that you’d like a divorce, but haven’t really clearly defined why, you just know you both feel ending the marriage is best.
Maybe there’s a chance to make your marriage work! Don’t be too hasty. If you can’t clearly define why you and your spouse want to end your marriage, you’re acting on emotion rather than a healthy combination of emotion and logic. Sit down, think it through and have a detailed discussion around all of the details.
But, be careful…this can be a volatile situation if you haven’t talked everything through and mutually agreed on how you’ll actually implement your divorce decision to have an uncontested divorce.
If one of you is more demonstrative than the other or is usually the person who drives the decisions, that sense of control may carry over into the discussion of the terms of the uncontested divorce.
Uncontested divorce situation 3: You both agreed that you’d like a divorce (and you both know why), and you’ve successfully talked about and agreed on all of the details regarding the uncontested divorce.
Although it can be a sad situation most of the time, sometimes a divorce is actually a good thing unfortunately. If you and your spouse have amicably decided to part ways and can continue on as responsible happy adults, then an uncontested divorce can be an easy way to sever the relationship and all legal obligations. This is the best situation to be in if you’re looking for an uncontested divorce…it should be simple to finish from this point.
Lots of people think about uncontested divorces and never go through with getting one because they actually work things out…and that’s a great thing! And, some people think they want an uncontested divorce but haven’t agreed on the details and terms, they’re just looking for the fastest way to end the marriage. If this is the case, the relationship can turn from being amicable (and each party thinking they want a divorce) to being nasty and a resulting tug of war ensues with each person striving to get what they feel they deserve out of the divorce…and this can lead to a drawn out negotiation which certainly is not an uncontested divorce.
Be smart when you’re considering an uncontested divorce…make sure that you’re really ready to go through with it. Don’t let the term ‘uncontested’ fool you, an attorney can ethically and legally on represent one of the married parties. But, if you and your spouse can truly be amicable and truthful, an uncontested divorce can be easy.
Karl Augustine
“A Practical Guide To Deciding Whether Or Not To Get A Divorce”
An eBook recommended by marriage counselors and relationship coaches to their clients.
When making a divorce decision, there are quite a few things that you should consider. Too often people find themselves unable to clearly identify what they need to think about when making a divorce decision which leads to further indecision and frustration. When making serious divorce decisions, having an open mind and listing the things that will figure into your decision about divorce, will help make the process a little simpler for you.
The things to consider when deciding about divorce varies somewhat from person to person, but here is a list of the most common items to contemplate:
Divorce Decision Item 1: Making sure that you are emotionally ready to go through with a decision.
Not being really ready to decide about whether to get a divorce because of emotional uncertainty will be a serious obstacle if you let your emotions cloud your ability to reason or use logic. People often fear making a tough decision and there are many reasons why people don’t ever get around to actually making a divorce decision, which is often one of the toughest decisions to make in life. If you aren’t ready to handle the emotional pain of what could be a “life changing” event like deciding about divorce, wait until you can before going through your divorce decision making process.
Divorce Decision Item 2: Making sure that the reasons for divorce that you’ve listed regarding why you think you want a divorce are indeed valid.
Too often people make the mistake of wanting to get a divorce (or thinking they want to get a divorce) for unviable reasons. This comes from being wrapped up with the idea of being hurt and focusing on one’s self rather than separating the actual events from the end results.
Yes, it is very tough to elevate your thinking and be seemingly autonomous to your own situation…in fact, it is often impossible to do. But, if you can look at your situation with someone else in your place, and then go through your divorce decision making process, you’ll be closer to the real answer that you want.
Divorce Decision Item 3: Understanding that your sense of self-confidence, ability to be ‘self sustaining’ with finances or other material things, and desire to ‘start over’ are all unwavering.
This mix of considerations about divorce can be overpowering for some people when they try to ‘break away’ or make the decision about getting a divorce. Simply, these ‘things to think about’ intertwine and affect each other directly. Self-confidence is essential to being able to make a lucid divorce decision, and your level of self-confidence can easily be changed (for better or worse) instantly. If this is the case, you should really re-think whether you’re ready to make a divorce decision and follow through with it.
A lot of time, women in divorce situations have to deal with finance issues and they fear going out on their own because they’ve had financial support previously. Still, the fear of losing finances or material things is not gender specific by any means…men and women alike need to decide if they are ready to go through financial loss to improve their lives if they feel a divorce will do so. Logic will lead you to the fact that finances shouldn’t be the only piece of your divorce decision even though it usually figures in…as to what level finances figure into your divorce decision, will depend on you and what you deem important.
If your overall confidence and desire to start over with your love life support making a change, you’re off to a good start in making a smart decision about whether to divorce or not.
Divorce Decision Item 4: Determining who else your divorce decision will affect and how much weight that carries in your decision making formula about divorce.
This item to consider when thinking about divorce is one of the primary things that can lead a person to a decision, one way or another. Even though it can have serious negative repercussions, selfless people will take into account everyone else who will be affected by a serious change like getting a divorce…it is fundamental portion of the overall process of making a smart divorce decision. Children, in-laws, common friends, etc., all will be affected by what you do regarding your action as a result of you truly answering the question, “Should I Get A Divorce?”.
When making your decision about staying married or getting divorced, you should look to the future and decide whether your decision will improve or decrease your quality of life and the quality of life of those that will be affected. The number one reason given by people who want to get divorced but don’t go through with it, stems from the fear that others will suffer from the divorce. Be very careful when assessing this situation…make sure that you use logic and not emotion when evaluating your thoughts.
Making a divorce decision is a serious and difficult task because it is complex, deeply self-reflective, and frightening due to the length of time it can affect you and others. Make sure that you have your thoughts organized and prioritized and you take your time in making a decision.
Karl Augustine
“A Practical Guide To Deciding Whether Or Not To Get A Divorce”
An eBook recommended by marriage counselors and relationship coaches to their clients.
Surviving divorce can be a valid fear if you’re contemplating getting a divorce. In order to ensure surviving divorce, you should first understand that your divorce decision shouldn’t be taken lightly. Ensuring that you’ll be surviving divorce can be comforting and can influence your path as you consider your reasons for divorce and take the emotional plunge into actually going through with it.
Its tough enough to think about how your immediate life will be impacted by getting a divorce let alone thinking about divorce from an aspect of “the aftermath” of divorce. You may be considering a variety of things in the short term including living arrangements, spouse’s schedules, attorneys, kids, property, etc. Its tough to plan so you can really ensure that you’ll be surviving divorce once its finally over with.
Surviving divorce, just like deciding to divorce, is about separating emotion from logic and making sure you think about the past, present and future. Of course, how you plan for surviving divorce, will differ from others in some respects, but there are some common themes to think about that should ensure you will be successful surviving divorce.
The most common things to think about when you want to be successful surviving divorce are self-evident and basic, but highly important:
Surviving Divorce Concept 1: Reflect on the past to make sure you can eliminate potential regret.
Make sure that you take the time to reflect on the past and remember the reasons that got you to this state of mind. One thing you absolutely must avoid is going through a divorce and regretting your decision. Evaluate, in detail, your reasons for divorce and confirm to yourself yet again that divorce is the best course of action. This will help eliminate regret…and regret can be a large factor in determining your chance of surviving divorce.
Surviving Divorce Concept 2: Admit to yourself that, no matter how your situation got to this breaking point of wanting divorce, that you had a hand in it, and plan to improve yourself.
Even if you know your present spouse is not a good fit for you, be smart enough to know that you shouldn’t waste the opportunity that you have right now to improve yourself, for your own good in the future. At a time like this when emotions are running high, there tends to be a lot of soul searching going on, and that’s a good thing if you want to ensure that you’ve got a solid chance of surviving divorce. Realize that you need to improve for you, this will only help you in the future. Remember, it takes two to tango!
Surviving Divorce Concept 3: Remember that your happiness and plan for surviving divorce should include evaluating and establishing a certain level of self-confidence. Having self confidence is absolutely critical to surviving divorce because without it, fear usually will win out and your situation will not improve. Even if you get divorced but you don’t evaluate your own level of self confidence in the hopes of improving it, you may be in for a rough time after divorce. If you want a sure-fire way to feel good about surviving divorce, do yourself a favor and get your self-confidence in line.
If your overall confidence and desire to start over with your love life support making a change, you’re off to a good start in making a smart decision about whether to divorce or not.
Surviving Divorce Concept 4: Get your finances in a row and understand that your life will change most likely from a monetary perspective.
This is a major portion of the surviving divorce equation, especially for women in divorce. A lot of time, women in divorce situations have to deal with finance issues and they fear going out on their own because they’ve had financial support previously. Still, this concept is not gender specific and can resonate with anyone because, one some level, your life will change financially as a result of divorce…that’s a guarantee. In order to make sure your chance at surviving divorce is high, you need to be willing to trade potential financial loss to get a divorce. If you’re willing to do this, maybe you’re ready to really take the big step.
Surviving Divorce Concept 5: Understand the true value of using “projection” to ensure surviving divorce.
This is a terrific exercise to go through when you’re faced with a divorce decision and want to ensure you’ve got a great chance of surviving divorce. “Projection” simply means looking to the future and actually imagining what your life will be like once you’re divorced. And, if you’re smart, you’ll see multiple scenarios of what your life will become after divorce and you’ll be able to pin down which factors lead to each one of those scenarios. Then, choose the scenario you’d like to actually live, and take the necessary steps needed to implement those factors. This one of the most important practices to ensure that you’re chances of surviving divorce are high.
Surviving divorce is a difficult thing but it can easily be accomplished if you plan, reflect, think, and execute based on your own goals and needs.
Author of “A Practical Guide To Deciding Whether Or Not To Get A Divorce”, the eBook recommended by counselors to their clients. Proven “Actions Items” to help you decide! Deciding on Divorce surviving divorce
